It all happened on New Year's Eve
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Akatsuki had a wild New Years EVe party. I'm certain your curious as to what happened and how they will recover, right? Rated for language and suggestive situations. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 The Night Before

It All Happened on New Year's Eve

I don't own Naruto or any of it's characters.

Some background…

Really, you don't need the background….here's what happened…

Oh god, it was New Year's Day. The night before had been anything but tame. The time was 12:30 in the afternoon and NO ONE not even the take charge Sasori was awake. The apartment was very quiet, actually the only sound was the ticking clock in the kitchen. Here's how things looked after the night before: three girls were passed out in the middle of the living room floor. Sasori was asleep on the couch with another girl. Zetsu was asleep on the floor in Hidan and Kakuzu's room because Itachi was asleep with Dana in his bed, well actually Itachi would be changing the sheets that morning or Zetsu would hurt him. Kisame didn't get hardly any sleep because the only thing he could hear from midnight on was Marisol screaming in pleasure (more on that later).

By 1:00 Kisame began to stir only to wake from a dreary not complete sleep. He had a horrible headache and felt like he was going to throw up. His ears were ringing and it took all his strength to get up off the floor. He would have to stumble to the kitchen to make coffee. In another room, Dana had woken up to go to the bathroom. She stumbled like crazy until she hit the doorframe and then had to make her way across the hall.

"Dana…honey…" Itachi mumbled. But Dana just made some half asleep adorable sound and continued to wander to the bathroom. Itachi would anticipate her return. They would do what they do most mornings when they wake. Dana was gone for an unusually long time and so Itachi, half naked went to check on her. "Dana, are you okay?" Itachi asked her knocking on the door.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to find my bra, yeah." Dana said barely audible.

"Honey, it's in Zetsu's bed somewhere. Come on let's go back to bed." Itachi convinced her and he swept her up in his arms and took her back to Zetsu's room. At 1:15 Sasori rolled off the couch and into the floor.

"Fuck…..what the hell…oh god…." Sasori grabbed his head. The girl on the couch behind him awoke.

"Hey, are you okay I think you fell off." She said.

"Shiiiiiiiiit……please tell me we slept together and please tell me I used a condom…and….what the….Sasuke? Where the hell did you come from?" Sasori rolled over.

"Hey uh, Sasori. Where's my brother?" Sasuke was obviously not drunk and honestly he was the only person in the entire apartment who was not hung over or over sexed.

"You mean Itachi? God….Sasuke, he's probably banging Dana…uuuuuuuhhhh." Sasori was not feeling well. Meanwhile, in yet another bedroom…..

"Mmm…no one's kissed me like that, like ever." Marisol said softly. She held Deidara very close to her. He dug his hands into her long blonde hair. He smiled at her.

"Did you sleep well, yeah?" he kissed her again.

"Yes, yes I did." Marisol glowed like an angel. You see Marisol was one of Dana's only blonde gal pals. And what had happened the night before was at midnight, Deidara ended up making out with her, but his hormones got carried away and his hands ended up traveling up her skirt. Well, after he thought he had ruined his chances with her, she just smiled and pulled his hands up higher…..then some other stuff happened that I can't talk about but I'm sure you can imagine and now here we are. Oh, and yes….Marisol is Deidara's girlfriend now (after a long night of lying in his arms and not getting a whole lot of sleep) and he hasn't been able to let the reality set in ever since the night before.

That's a run down about the major events of the night before. Now let's go back to the present moment. Sasori and Kisame were currently having a cup of coffee in the kitchen and popping headache pills.

"Do we actually know who any of those girls are that are passed out in our floor?" Kisame asked slightly worried. Sasori shook his head.

"Well, I slept with the girl who is asleep on the couch. Her name is Laura and she's a friend of Dana's. Now the three in the floor….god Kisame I have no idea. But I think I knew their names last night." Sasori took another long drink. Soon Zetsu joined them in the kitchen.

"Hey, guys. That was a pretty crazy night last night." Zetsu said wearily.

"Tell me about it, I've never seen Hidan do shots like that." Kisame answered.

"Yeah, that and Kakuzu didn't fight with him at all." Zetsu slurred around.

"Zetsu, who the fuck are those girls in the middle of our living room floor?" Sasori asked.

"Uuuuuhhhhh, Dana's friends." Zetsu hesitated. It was at that moment their happy little conversation was interrupted by "Ooooooooooooooh! Gooooooooood! Oooooooooooh!" Sasori glared at Kisame, Kisame glared at Zetsu, Zetsu glared back at Sasori and thus the glaring came full circle.

"Okay, okay I know I'm really fucking hung over but I'm ready to bet that those cries come from Deidara's new hot piece of ass he's got underneath him."

"God, that girl is hot, almost as hot as Dana. And speaking of Dana I think that's Dana not…..god….what is her name!" Zetsu said.

"Okay, let's get this betting started." Sasori said beginning to pool money on the kitchen counter.

As you can see New Year's Eve was a wild time…maybe things will get better when everyone wakes up and becomes functional again?


	2. Chapter 2 Waffle House

By 3:30 that day Sasori was feeling much better, actually so well he was watching TV with no sickness at all. Zetsu and Kisame were engrossed in a crossword puzzle. Hidan was in the shower and Kakuzu was running the sweeper in his room. Tobi….he was sorting socks…yeah, a little strange.

"Hey, where's my brother, I'm supposed to let him try some shine treatment on his hair." Itachi said walking into the living room dressed and ready for the rest of the day.

"Man, he left at like 10:30, hey when was the last time you had sex?" Sasori asked.

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Itachi asked, hands immediately flying to his hips.

"Was it around 1:45?" Sasori asked disregarding his question.

"No, it was actually a lot earlier than that. Dana and I were asleep then." Sasori laughed maliciously. "Pay up!" he yelled to Zetsu and Kisame.

"Damn, Sasori what do you do with all the money you make off Deidara anyway?" Kisame asked counting out bills.

"Well, since that dumb blonde destroyed my phone in New York, I will soon be going to the Cingular store to purchase a new phone." Sasori said stuffing his wallet with his newly acquired winnings. Before Itachi could get dramatic with anyone, Deidara emerged from their bedroom. He didn't say anything but walked straight into the kitchen to dig through the tea bags. Neither Sasori, Kisame or Zetsu said anything….they weren't certain what to say. Itachi smiled all over and then he began to laugh very lightly.

"Admit it." Itachi said. Deidara turned around.

"Admit what, yeah?" Deidara asked innocently.

"That for the first time in your life…..you…..were me." Itachi was all smiles.

"What are you talking about, yeah?" Deidara said tearing into a tea bag.

"Admit that your number one priority was getting Marisol in your bed. Admit that it was the greatest night of your life. Admit that for a moment, you lost every single ounce of all the respect that you have for women vanished. Admit that she made you the man you wanted to be on top of her…..admit it." Itachi crossed his arms and waited. Deidara got a panicked look on his face.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT YEAH! YOUR'E RIGHT, IT'S ALL TRUE ITACHI IT'S TRUE, YEAH! I WAS YOU, YEAH…..OH GOD….OH MY GOD….ITACHI….SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL….AND PERFECT….YEAH!" Deidara shouted at him.

"OH MAN, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FELT ABOUT YOUR SISTER FOR 4 YEARS. COME HERE, I LOVE YOU MAN. " It was one of those best friend kind of hugs.

"Well, you know I'm not….you-ish today. I mean I've got her…..MY GOD AFTER 4 YEARS SHE'S MINE, YEAH!" Deidara couldn't hide the excitement. At this point Sasori had decided to pack his bags and leave Akatsuki no questions asked. This was the FINAL straw. However, as he made his way back to his room to pack Hidan asked his opinion on sword lengths…it made him feel better.

Marisol emerged from Itachi and Deidara's bedroom flipping beautiful long blonde hair over her shoulders. Deidara reached his arms out to her.

"You look so pretty, yeah." Zetsu rolled his eyes in the background. Marisol was wearing Dana's black stretchy pants and Deidara's t-shirt. She didn't really look pretty….but in a way I guess she was beautiful. "Okay, so do you want to go to Waffle House to eat, yeah? It's right down the street."

"Hmmm….do they have reduced calorie syrup?" Marisol asked concerned.

"No, but I know a way you can burn the extra calories off, yeah." Marisol laughed and kissed him.

"Oh my god! Who is he and what did he do with Deidara!? Did he….did he say what I think he just said!?" Kisame asked Itachi, his voice was high and squeaky. Itachi just grinned.

"Kisame, that girl turns him into a giant pile of goo. As much as I hate to admit it….what Dana does to me. Now, we're going to Waffle House and when we come back Dana's gonna want to burn off some calories too. I suggest you take the gift cards Sasuke gave us to Ponderosa, get everyone together…and get the hell away from this apartment because believe me….Dana gets pretty wild and I'm sure Marisol is gonna make some serious noise…." Itachi paused. "So, you going to Waffle House. There's a special today." Itachi laughed again. "It's called the morning after." Kisame's eye twitched a little bit.

"You know, that's alright….by the way you need to call your brother. Oh, and don't worry we'll be at Ponderosa later." Kisame said still high and squeaky. Itachi smiled and flipped black hair off his shoulders.

"Oh my god, I like got out of the shower and I totally got that floor soaked, yeah. But don't worry I mopped all the water up with a towel, yeah." And so the two blissful couples were ready to head for Waffle House….

After the door had closed behind them Kisame yelled for Zetsu. "Zetsu….help me clean and get my mind off the fact that our lives have officially changed…..Deidara has a girlfriend…..my god….DEIDARA HAS A GIRLFRIEND! ZETSUUUUUUUU!"

Ah yes, the fun has only just begun……


	3. Chapter 3 Meet Sarah

"We really need to clean this place. I mean god, have you seen that stain on the carpet? I have no clue what it is, seriously." Hidan said grabbing a bucket and a handful of cleaning supplies to go to work in the kitchen. He looked odd in rubber gloves up to his elbows. The phone rang and Sasori reluctantly answered it, he was actually getting ready to run the sweeper and pick up plates that were scattered around the apartment.

"Hello? Sarah!? What the….well, uh……Happy New Year. You're….you're what!? But Sarah, our place looks like a frat house on the day after rush! Well….uh….okay. Okay, see you then. Bye." Sasori hung up the phone. "Well guys, my life has just gone to hell." He said sitting on the couch only to discover he was sitting on someone's bra. He pulled it out from under him and shook his head.

"Why? What's wrong?" Zetsu said tying up trash bags.

"My stupid sister is coming over in like 20 minutes!"

"What's wrong with that? We've not seen your sister in months and besides she's never met Hidan, Kakuzu or Tobi." Kisame said.

"I don't want my sister to come over here!" Sasori said trying his best to take his rage out on the sweeper bag since it was stuck in the vaccum.

"Look, Sasori, just because your sister is a scholar who was nominated for the Nobel Prize in Science last year and you became the ultimate criminal mastermind doesn't mean you should stop talking to her! I think you are jealous….just like I figured out you were jealous of Deidara." Kisame said.

"Well you know what Kisame. I am so sick of everyone around me getting absolutely everything they want. I mean Itachi got Deidara's gorgeous sister and he looks good in EVERYTHING. Deidara got a beautiful bombshell blonde that he has chased for years and he and HIS sister are best friends! God! Kisame I am 41 years old. I have no one and my only talents are turning people who piss me off into puppets…and I sell some of those on eBay!" Sasori held his head in his hands.

"Listen man, we think you are great. Deidara is as stupid as a sack of potatoes and Itachi would have some serious emotional issues if it weren't for Dana. Your sister may have been nominated for a Nobel Prize but she doesn't have many friends." Kisame said. As this conversation was happening Tobi had finished cleaning up in his bedroom and it looked orderly and organized. Zetsu had left to make his bed.

"Hey! Remind me to tell Dana I found her bra in my bed!" he yelled to Kisame. The kitchen had finally reached a state of harmony, the counter tops were clean, trash taken out. The floor was mopped, the vacuuming had been done, and now Kakuzu was rearranging magazines on the living room table. However, there was now a debate…

"Seriously, do you think it's a good idea to clean Deidara and Itachi's room? I mean that's like….a sacred place." Hidan said.

"Well, we can't wait for them to come back and I mean look at this place! There are clothes and crap everywhere….I mean EVERYWHERE. God, you can't even see the floor. Some of this stuff doesn't even belong to them!" Sasori said. "Okay, let's do this. I'll clean Deidara's side of this room and Kisame you clean Itachi's side. That way if Itachi comes in here and gets all dramatic….it's your ass and not mine." Kisame thought a moment.

"Hmmm…sounds logical…okay!" And so cleaning their dreaded room began.

"My god….they're like…..two spoiled little girls! Would you look at all these designer clothes strung out everywhere? Sasori said.

"Yeah, I bet 'the leader' gets so tired of those two buying clothes all the….oooooooooooooh goooooood! Sorry, there was a condom at the bottom of that pile. I'm a little freaked out." Kisame screamed.

"Damn, their clothes hamper is full. How many times a day do they change clothes anyway and my god, there's more of Dana's clothes in this hamper than Itachi's." Sasori complained.

"He you better read the labels on some of that stuff. Deidara and Itachi will both have your ass if you shrink anything or fade anything!" Kisame warned. In the midst of the laundry whirlwind, there was a knock at the door. Hidan went to answer it.

"Wow! I mean…..wait, seriously…..who are you?"

"Hi, you must be one of the new members, I'm Sarah. I'm Sasori's sister." Hidan didn't say anything for a moment.

"Uhhh, you have really pretty hair. Come in, really. Sasori! You're sister is here." Sasori rolled his eyes and went into the living room.

"Sarah?"

"Sasori! Hi!" Sarah reached out to hug her older brother. "Happy New Year."

"Yeah. Happy New Year." Sasori said dryly. The cleaning continued as the red sand siblings talked.

"So, how's that blonde you run around with? Is he still…..you know…..challenged?" Sasori laughed.

"Yeah, only now not only is he stupid he also has a girlfriend."

"Poor girl." Sarah said. And speak of blondes and they shall appear….

Itachi, Deidara, Dana and Marisol let themselves in.

"Oh my god! Sarah! I like so haven't seen you for at least 8 months, yeah!" Deidara's eyes were wide with excitement. "Oh my god….did you win that Golden Globe award thing, yeah?" Deidara said seriously. It took all of Sarah's strength to keep from laughing.

"Well, actually it was a Nobel Prize. And yes I did get it for my research involving the genetic makeup traits in the tribes of Papua New Guinea." There was a long moment of silence.

"Oh my god, what's genetic makeup and why I haven't I heard of it, yeah? I mean is this some like new designer makeup like Chanel and MAC? Because if it is, I need to try it, does it break you out, yeah? And who's Papaya New Guinea, is that like some new designer because my daddy probably knows him, yeah." Dana was simply full of questions.

"Oh god…Sasori….I actually forgot he had a sister." Sarah whispered to Sasori.

"Uuuhh, why don't you all come sit down with us for a while." Sasori hurriedly suggested.

"Sarah, this is the most beautiful woman in the world, yeah. Her name is Marisol, yeah." Deidara introduced her to Sarah.

"Hi, Marisol what do you do?"

"Well, I'm a hairstylist part time and I work the Prada store downtown in the shoe department, and when I'm not doing that I'm dancing with Dana and our dance company!" Marisol told her. Sarah simply nodded her head. It was going to be an interesting afternoon….a Ph.D dealing with three blondes…..


	4. Chapter 4 The Resolutions

Sasori's sister had decided to leave when Marisol thought DNA was similar to DYNY. It was probably for the best because Sarah was use to being surrounded by intelligent professors and researchers. Deidara was currently in the living room in front of the portable full length mirror.

"Are those jeans new?" Kakuzu asked.

"Yeah, Itachi and got them when we went to Dolce and Gabbana's end of the year clearance." Deidara answered. Itachi walked in at exactly the wrong time.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! No! GET THOSE OFF NOW!" Itachi yelled.

"Why? Yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Those are my jeans! MY JEANS! The new faded D&G wash! Oh my god get those off NOW!" Itachi was starting t lose it.

"Itachi, since when did we stop sharing clothes we both picked these jeans….AAAAAGGGGGGHHHH! Oh my god! You've never unbuttoned my pants before, yeah!"

"YOU DUMB ASS THESE ARE NOT YOUR PANTS! And if this is how I have to get them off you…..then so be it!" Itachi had thrown Deidara to the floor and now had his beloved jeans halfway off his friend.

"Aaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh! Itachiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, yeah!" After a few more disturbing moments Deidara was now in the middle of the living room floor pants-less…it was a good thing he had chosen his best Calvin Klein boxers today.

"Itachi….you are such a drama queen, yeah. I didn't even have those jeans on 5 minutes." Deidara said. Itachi wasn't paying any attention, he had taken off his other pants to try these on.

"Damn, I look so incredibly hot in these. Deidara as if you could EVER pull this look off." Itachi said rolling his eyes.

"God! I swear I ask myself everyday what it is that makes you two so……not gay! Because based on every retarded thing that you two do, you should be gay. So what is it, how the hell are you two straight?" Zetsu asked.

"Dana has a much sweeter ass than he does!" Itachi answered.

"Well, girls are way more sensitive and kind and sweet and nice and better than him, yeah." Deidara answered. Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"You two are so….god I don't even know." And Zetsu walked away. Deidara quickly put on the pants that Itachi had left behind in order to try on these new jeans. It wasn't a smart move. Itachi could burn holes in Deidara's flesh with his eyes if he wanted to.

"Oh my god! You bitch! I was so putting those back on." Itachi hissed.

"Sorry, I really like these pants, yeah." Itachi glared.

"You know, it's a good thing that I know how clean you are! Other wise I would freak out about you just wearing my pants!"

"Itachi! They are not your pants, yeah. They are our pants….OUR pants, yeah."

Well, now you have the scoop on everything that happened on New Years Eve. We'll leave these two arguing for now. I suppose you are wondering what everyone's new years resolutions were? Well, Tobi had posted them on the refrigerator on a magnetic dry-erase board. The resolutions were listed:

1. Sasori – turn only 3 people into puppets

2. Zetsu – Use facial cleanser everyday

3. Hidan- Be nicer to Kakuzu…even though he is a dumb ass

4. Tobi – stop taking credit for all the cool stuff Deidara does…oh and buy stamps

5. Kakuzu – change pillow cases every week

6. Deidara- raise another baby chocobo

7. Kisame- stop buying frozen fish sticks

8. Itachi – screw Dana on our balcony

That sums it up. Until our next adventure…..Happy New Year!

Okay everyone, sorry this one was really short, but I assure you. The next story will be one that you really like!


End file.
